We hope you all enjoyed the little bit of humour with the e1m6 Nightmare 100% yesterday. For those of you who haven't watched it yet it's still worth seeing just to revel in the misery of those who suddenly realised "We've been had!"

But we are not malicious people here as SDA, and so to make up for it a veritable cavalcade of new map merriment is yours for the watching. A feast of demos like we haven't seen since, errr, last time.

First, the demos on sgodrun2.

• The first person to send in improvements to my heroic Cheap Way Run was Arturo Garcia Lasca who sent in Easy and Nightmare runs in 0:34 within an hour of the maps being posted.
• Brent Wise has sent in the first of the long way demos, doing the Easy Run in the respectable time of 1:44. Five normal and one quadded grenade boosts and there's still a couple of tricks he didn't do to make this run faster...
• And finally, Big Joey Sazzle has done the Easy 100% of the sgodrune start map. No one is quite sure why, though, as it quite clearly says that we're not taking demos on the other sgodrune maps!! :-P

Now for some action on dazsp2.

• Kimmo Polvivaara did the first Easy Run in 0:27. I love curly jumps down spiral stairs, especially when they have a beautiful breaking bone sound when he hits the ground.
• Brent decided to go for the slaughter everything approach and did the Easy 100% first in 0:54 and then in 0:53.

Which leaves the short but very sweet dazsp2c.

• Making me look foolish we have Kimmo who improved both my table filling runs within minutes of them being posted, both by two seconds, both to 0:10. Easy. Nightmare.
• A lack of ammo was not going to stop me doing the Easy 100% in 1:39. As a certain Dane said, l337 monster control but terrible axe work.

Posting the current records in #qdq seems to be working, with several people asking before doing/sending the quicker demos. However, a very honourable mention to Weixing Ye who sent in both sgodrun2 cheap way runs in 0:34, both dazsp2c runs in 0:10, and the Easy 100% of the same map in 2:00. Unlucky, my friend. Race you for the NH. :-)

Still plenty of scope for improvement and loads of gaps in the tables to fill, so keep 'em coming as we have a whole stack of other maps just around the corner...

And if cheated marathons are your thing then head on over to the Cheated Page where Stubby has done a massive update featuring demos from Himself, Tim (who has gone mad), Joe and P-B. Literally hours of viewing for fanatics, lunatics and insomniacs.

Before I go, it's "Win yourself a pint the next time you bump into Morfy" time again. The title of this update came about during a bizzare IRC conversation earlier today. All you have to do to win this fabulous prize is be the first person to tell me the names of all the runners involved. (The clues are, obviously, in the sentence.) Note: This prize is not open to anyone logged on to #qdq at the time, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! In the event of two correct entries arriving in the same minute, as a tie-breaker you also have to tell me what colour underpants/ briefs/ thong I'm wearing at the moment. :-)

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

...would have been an excellent title for this update if I'd completed it yesterday. Will Marsh has spent most of the last four months working on that title and I've gone and blown it all by being too lazy to do the update on the right day. Sorry Will.

So as it is, I guess I'll have to use...

Another big update for you, folks. A big stack of demos, including our first "arranged in #qdq" coop, and four new maps! You just don't deserve me. You really don't.

Two Id records to start with.

• Thomas "Worship Me" Stubgaard has beaten Peter's seemingly perfect Nightmare 100% of The Door to Chthon by one second. 0:52. DOWNLOAD AND WATCH NOW!
• Next is a mad marathon from Timo Nieminen. He improved Marlo's Easy 100% of The Elder World by thirty seven seconds to get this 14:41. There are so many good things in here that I couldn't list them all, but you simply must watch out for the grenade jump across the water to the silver key/pentagram in e4m4. A classic. :-)

The man who may well one day make a mistake at work and destroy half of Northern Europe, Dan Stukanev, has been looking with ruinous revulsion at DanielL's Nightmare Run of trr. This impressive 0:20 is one second faster and, if you'll pardon my language, will be a complete bitch to improve.

Before we get to the new maps we'll check out the action on the last new map. zippie_sda is still proving popular, but records are getting much harder to break.

• Arturo Garcia Lasca has taken the Nightmare Run from Thomas by one second to get 0:16. Perhaps if Amrik hadn't spent so long crowing about how he'd done a 0:16 NR in #qdq and actually sent his demo in sooner he might have taken the record himself. :-P
• Jozsef Szalontai has given Jamie Lee Kwen his first SDA record, a 3000 ping Nightmare Run in 0:14.

fc_coag still isn't safe from the shaft of Weixing Ye.

• Not content with owning the Easy 100% last time he has further improved it by two more seconds to 0:58.
• But that's nothing compared to fourteen more seconds off of his Nightmare 100%. Who needs a SSG anyway? 1:04.

Getting back to Ken, it appears that he's not been slacking.

• He has continued to work on the dilcoa runs, reducing his the Easy Run by one second to 0:24 and Weixing's Nightmare Run by two seconds also to 0:24.
• He also his ever improving skills to reduce his Nightmare Run of church by two seconds 1:06. Maybe when he gets his new keyboard he'll be able to do a 1:05...

Joe gone 100% crazy on doom2_01.

• Peter's 0:42 Nightmare 100% was his first target which he improved to 0:40, then to 0:39 and finally to 0:38. He says that he thinks that 0:37 is possible but it would need a route change, I think...
• Then came Valeriy's Easy 100% which he smoothed another second off of to get this 0:24. What's that I smell? Is it the scent of a 0:23 in the air? :-)

And finally, demowise at least, Kimmo Polvivaara has been the first person to successfully do the Easy Run route (the big corner bunny) on Nightmare skill on terror. Much to Fern's annoyance, as he'd also been working on this demo, he improved his time by nine seconds to 0:29. As Kimmo said, the bitch deserved it. :-)

Since you've all been so fragrant recently, here are some new maps.

The first one is sgodrun2 : Tale of Abbot's Rune by Rain "Spacegod" Rannu. It is part of a three map mini episode that you can get here, but frankly the other two maps are not running friendly so don't send in any demos for them. Having said that, this map has it all: cheap way runs (here is a 0:35 Easy Run by me); long way runs (where you must teleport back to the hall you start in) that have the potential to have about ten cool boosts in; and wicked 100% play (if you can find the last kill...). Please call your demos sgr2_xxx.dz.

The other three are Arabian Nights, one map cut into three pieces by DaZ of The DaZ Dranz Level Cave. Because of the way the map's been sliced up it makes for some nice quick running and also some fast marathons. You can get the map here, read a review by Fern here. To get things started I've done both runs on dazsp2c in 0:12 (Easy) and 0:12 (Nightmare). Please call your demos dz2_xxx.dz, dz2b_xxx.dz, dz2c_xxx.dz and your marathons daz_xxx.

Now get running. Any new times that come in tonight I'll announce them on #qdq so you don't all send in the same demo...

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

For those of you that haven't found it yet, don't forget to check out the cool new IRC channel (see below for details). So if you want to chill with the speed running posse, or just chuck a few insults about (I suggest calling Alex a big puff, questioning the size of Stubby's love-truncheon, or telling Amrik to go and suck his face) come on over and join us. You'll never leave.

The madness continues on zippie_sda.

• Jozsef Szalontai is coming close to making me have a rectal prolapse in sheer amazement by further improving his Easy 100% to 0:14. One second faster. Surely 0:13 must be optimum...
• Amrik Kochhar has filled the empty Nightmare 100% slot with this should-be-faster 0:51. Half a dozen SSG blasts into the shambler before GJing off him would maybe save some time...

Weixing Ye just keeps on getting more impressive. This time sweeping through fc_coag like a Chinese enema.

• He began by filling the outstanding Nightmare Run hole with this lovely twisty 0:47.
• Then he improved DanielA's Easy 100% by seventeen seconds to 1:00.
• And to finish off he totally owned my Nightmare 100% table filler by twenty two seconds by making much better use of the quad (amongst other things). 1:18.

It appears that Joe has now got his teeth firmly dug in to the Hipnotic Mission Pack.

• First came a four second slaying of Ilkka's hip2m2 Easy Run, using the slopey-bunny-shambles-crackle boost to get 0:28. I've always loved runs on this map, mostly (for some bizarre reason) because of the little curly jump over the trigger at the top of the stairs. I don't know why but it's the subtle, unspectacular tricks that always impress me the most.
• He then improved Evan's coffin-popping Easy Run of hip2m4 by two seconds. Low health and a room full of prox-mines. Yummy! 0:37.

All the above demos were okay, I suppose, if you like that sort of thing. But I think you'll all agree that nothing beats a bit of r1m3 coop 100% action. Brought to you today by myself and Nolan Pflug.

• We finally got around to filling the final hole in the Rogue EH2 tables. Luckily Nolan's DSL connection kept working for a couple of days after he cancelled it as this demo turned out to be a complete bitch to do. But despite being hampered by Nolan being rusty and 3000 miles away and me sucking like *insert runner of your choice's name here*'s mother we managed this 1:28(2:09).
• We had a few minutes left before I had to leave for work so Nolan suggested we try the Nightmare 100% using the same routes. We got to the end once, in 2:18(2:47). Appalling.

Catch you all later!

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

Good news for all you choirfellas out there! We've finally been able to set up an IRC channel for SDA, thanks to the ever wonderful Thomas Bergendorff. Thanks dude, we owe you one!

It's available to you through the quakenet irc network, the channel is #qdq. The name #sda was already taken. Some Unreal Tournament clan had already picked that name. You can find a list of available servers at this address, and general info about the network at this address.

As a token gratitude of our debt to Bergie, I'll post a little something he wanted me to say on SDA, so here goes: If anyone with a cute sister/female friend has any nude photos (or worse!) of them, he'd be dying to see them....

...Zippie-dee-day, My-oh-my what a wonderful set of demos.

Yes, folks, I'm sure these are the words James Baskett would have sung in "Song of the South" if he'd seen these zippie_sda demos. (And hopefully he'd have gibbed that f^%king bluebird, too).

• Jozsef Szalontai has done a trouser-tearingly good Easy Run, ending the debate about whether or not the 0:09 was possible. An excellent demo with wonderful use of grenades but rather overshadowed by his final...
• ...Easy 100% demo.
  • Arturo Garcia Lasca was the first to send in an 0:18, two seconds faster than Brent. Honourable mentions to Brent Wise and Thomas Bergendorff who both sent in 0:18s just too damned late.
  • Ken then couldn't resist further improving it to 0:17, several hours before Amrik Kochhar sent in his 0:17. (BTW. Ken has been once again making friends and spreading goodwill amongst his fellow runners in this thread.) :-)
  • But Jozsef Szalontai has once again shown that he deserved his "Runner of the Year" accolade first with this 0:16.
  • And then a few more route tweaks gave him this 0:15. MUST DOWNLOAD.
• Back to Thomas now for the Nightmare Run. Any man who dedicates their demo as he has done in his .txt is always going to get the record. If other people send an equal time before him we'd just pretend that the PlanetQuake spam filter ate it. You might think that's corrupt, but then we're a corrupt couple of guys. 0:17. One second faster than Arturo.

It seems that we (i.e. Stubby :-P) were a little slack in our research when adding csa to the tables. Attila Csernyik, as everyone except us remembered, did a couple of egg demos that were faster than the winning entries. He did the Nightmare 100% one second faster than Alex using a different route and maybe a little local knowledge. 1:48. He also did the Easy Run faster than Peter, but not a whole second quicker so his 0:10 doesn't make it on to the tables. It contains a nice recam, though, so it's been added to the big download at the end as it's well worth watching.

The man who was personally responsible for the breaking down of the Berlin Wall, Amrik Kochhar, has improved his Easy Run Marathon through The Black Episode by 17 seconds to 4:27.

And to finish with it's that man again. Joe has improved Ilkka's Easy Run of hip2m5 by three seconds to 0:33. I'm still not sure where all three seconds came from, especially as Joe couldn't do Ilkka's fast-water-exit-RJ, which saves nearly a second. Imagine that! There are some tricks out there that even Joe can't do!

There's now a profile up from our friend in China Weixing Ye which you can see here. Scaaaaary photo. :-)

A serious note to finish. We are still having problems receiving some people's demos. Recently we have failed to receive mail from Peter, DanielH, DanielA, Weixing, David and Denn. There may be others, too, so if you've sent us a mail or a demo and have not had a reply or seen it posted a week later then drop us another mail asking if we've received it. If you still get no reply then post something on the Message Board and we'll try to look in to it.

The worst thing about these problems is that we've had people send in records that have not arrived and then someone else sends in the same time later. In this case the rule is simple: the demo that arrives in the SDA mailbox first is the one that stands. It sucks that some people have lost out due to technical hitches but there's nothing we can do about it. If you're on ICQ you can always ask Stubby or myself if it's arrived.

All demos download is available here (UK, after 17:00 GMT tonight) and here (Denmark).

Hey there, Sweeties. This week has been a bit of a demofest with no fewer than, errr, twenty-something demos hitting the SDA mailbox. For all you trivia hounds, that's enough demos (if you unravelled them and lay them end to end) to stretch from Trinidad to Pittsburgh THREE TIMES. (Probably).

To begin with, we have three Id improvements.

• Thomas "The Slut Fisting Face Ripper" Stubgaard (is that okay?) has gone shotgun crazy in the Chambers of Torment and improved his Nightmare 100% by three seconds to get this 4:09. Oh, and if Stubby ever offers to lend you his baseball bat, don't take it. Just don't. Trust me. Okay?
• The other two are the first of many in this update from Daniel Hansson.
  • First he improved his Easy 100% of the Wind Tunnels by one more second to 1:30
  • Then he took the war to Stubby and replaced his rather scrappy Easy 100% of The Elder God Shrine with this much better 1:28, two seconds faster. Still room for improvement though...

We'll be staying with Daniel for the next swathe of demos. But before we get to the action I just have to ask: I've only seen a few pictures of the boy Hansson, mostly with some of The Udders, but am I the only one out there that thinks he looks like a blonde Dolph from The Simpsons?

• First he went czg07 crazy, doing a whole shitload of improvements.
  • His Easy 100% marathon was never going to last long now that he has had a new wave of enthusiasm. He scythed of a whole twenty five seconds off his previous record to get this 17:18.
  • czg07a was his next victim where he improved his Easy 100% by five seconds to get 4:25.
  • Then, in a startling parallel with his penis, he just couldn't resist repeatedly playing with the Easy 100% of czg07b.
    • He managed a slight improvement to his previous record with this 4:09.
    • Then a huge jump of thirty one seconds to this 3:38. Wow.

• Is that enough CZG action for one man? It appears not...
  • He had a bit of a run around czg01, giving us more HTML indented lists than I think we've ever had before.
    • First the Easy Run...
      • He improved his own time first by six seconds to 1:38.
      • And then because P-B threatened to improve it some more he took another two seconds off to get 1:36.
    • Then, despite what his .txt says, he improved his Nightmare 100% by ten seconds to 3:16.

  • He seemed to think that Basil had way too many czg02 records so he decided to redress the balance by...
    • ...improving his Easy Run by eight seconds to 1:59...
    • ...improving his Easy 100% by forty three(!) seconds to 3:45...
    • ...teaming up with Jonny Andersson to improve the Daniel/Basil Easy 100% coop by thirty six seconds to 2:44.

• And just to show he isn't exclusively a CZG-ophile he also attacked the 100% records on badland2
  • He improved his own Easy 100% by a lousy one second to 2:53.
  • And his Nightmare 100% by a much more respectable sixteen seconds to 3:14.

• I expect he'll have done some more by the time I finish this update, but they'll have to wait. :-)

Next we have two demos from Jozsef Szalontai

• Here is an old, old demo that he did on csa way back. It's the Nightmare Run in 0:12. I can think of a few people that should be beating this one...
• He also improved, maybe optimised, his Easy Run of rwa1 by taking another second off of his previous. 0:24.

Weixing Ye has further improved his Nightmare 100% of scream down to 1:18. A five second gain and two seconds faster than he thought was possible. :-)

The battle for dilcoa still rages on.

• Arturo Garcia Lasca has taken the Easy Run from Weixing by skipping the GL and avoiding the Ogres at the quad to bring in this 0:25. Nice.
• I spent a couple of hours improving both of the 100% records to 1:45, but before I even had a chance to send them in Weixing destroyed them both.
  • Simply by using the Run route (mostly) and then raining quad rockets down from the top level he shaved 85 seconds off my Nightmare 100% to get 1:15.
  • Then by doing the same, but even more so, he managed to sneak in an eighty four second gain over Tim's Easy 100% to get 1:10. Tim, we were owned.

Amrik Kochhar has taken (again, despite what his .txt says) the Easy Run of black1 below one minute by using the tricky gren-off-the-ogre rather than the straight gren jump up to the silver key. The trick saves two seconds and this is a four second improvement over Justin so it's quite a bitchin' run anyway. 0:59.

For our final demo of the update we have Pretty Balls sticking it to Hansson by beating Joe's Easy run of cult before Daniel did. 0:21. One second faster.

That's it for now. Sorry it's been 8 days since the last demo update but I just haven't been home much this week. :-( So a big thanks to Stubby for doing most of the behind the scenes work for this update otherwise it still wouldn't be done. Enjoy the demos. ALL OF THEM!

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

Nothing much to say except that another edition of ROTW has ended. Check out the results here, and see who advanced in the championship ladder.

And I thought it would be very appropiate to post the demos we've recieved on zippie_sda so far, just to prevent any more duplicates from arriving in our inbox :)

• Daniel Andersson was the first to destroy Morfy's Easy Run with a 1 second improvement to get 0:11. Too bad for Brent, Arturo and Fern who submitted their demos too late.
• But it didn't take long before Thomas Bergendorff submitted a 0:10. He says that a 0:09 is possible using a double-grenade jump...
• Arturo couldn't keep his greasy hands away from this map though, and submitted a demo for the Nightmare Run in 0:18. NOTE: You have to rename the map in order to view this demo! (NOTE from Nolan: ignore stubby's note, I fixed the demo now)
• The open slot (read: slut) for the Easy 100% got filled (read: drilled) out nicely by Brent Wise in the blistering time of 0:20 :)

You'll have to wait with the rest of the demos, sorry. I'm off to get some sleep now, adios!

We have two new maps for all ya choirfellas, and more to come soon(ish)!

The first map is actually an old map which was part of a speedrunning contest Ilkka posted some 3 years ago :)

• csa - CSA Corp Buildings by Attila Csernyik. The map is available from here. Please call your demos for this map csa_xxx.
• Peter Horvath won the Easy Run with a time of 0:10, and Aleksander Osipov won the Nightmare 100% with a time of 1:49.

The second map is a fun little map, with a quite unique theme. Some of you may have downloaded this when it was released some time back, but the map has been changed to fit speedrunning, and that means you'll have to download this version in order to submit a valid demo for SDA.

• zippie_sda - Stamppot by Zippie. The map is available from here. Please call your demos for this map zip_xxx.
• Mr. Comedy Gold himself did the Easy Run to kick things off. He did it in the outrageous time of 0:12. Is this beatable? I think not... :)

Other news:

Ingmar has updated Ill Mind Moves with a nice new color scheme that fits the colors of Spring time :)

Opulent sent word that he has a new speedrunning/demo site up at this address.

If you're unsure as to whether or not I've received your ROTW demos, please send it to stubgaard. If that doesn't work (hopefully it will), you could also contact me on ICQ. My number is 74600272. Remember that deadline for the ROTW is tonight (at least for us Scandinavians) at 23:00 CET.

A demo update should be due tomorrow...

Just letting you guys know that there's a cheated update up, and that I've added marathons to the tables.

That's it and that's that....

Just a few more links and other shit....

• Serious Sam speedrunning is to be found here.
• Daikatana, Quake2 and Unreal runs for in-game, mission pack and custom maps can be found here.
• Unreal Done Quick by Grob can be found here.

Does the name Quake 3 Arena done Quick sound intriguing? If it does, go take a look here. Thanks to Anthony Bailey for the scoop.

I need sleep, the 2nd Formula 1 race of the season begins in less than 5 hours....

Hey there, folks. Here's a lightning fast round up of the last couple of days worth of demos.

All the records on dilcoa have been improved or the outstanding holes filled.

• Weixing Ye has improved his Easy Run by two seconds to 0:26. Ken also sent in a 0:26 using some slightly different route modifications so I think a 0:25 can't be too far away...
• Weixing also improved his Nightmare run to the same time. 0:26. Three seconds faster.
• Making his first demo for some time we have Tim Doherty who has filled the Easy 100% gap with this 2:34.
• Which inspired me to fill the Nightmare 100% gap with this 2:40. A pretty bad demo but okay for twenty minutes work. :-)

OpenGL also improved his Easy 100% of scream by five seconds to 1:06. He was fairly lucky with the scrags this time but they still act like biatches. :-)

Well, that's most of the gaps in the tables filled. I think you all know what that means...

I'm away working now (should have left five minutes ago to be honest :-)) until Monday or Tuesday. Until then just remember, if it starts to stink, wash it.

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

Ahh, finally my brother moved his lazy ass and got the pictures from our trip to Norway scanned. You can check them out here.

Also, I was bored the other night and therefore I searched the internet for everything I could find on Quake speedrunning. Here's what I found:

• An old and amusing interview with some of the original QdQ guys. Definitely worth a read.
• Jesse's original custom Quake1+2 speedrunning site. It's quite entertaining to read some of the old news.
• The biggest legend in speedrunning, Yonatan Donner's old but still useful homepage. I think his last update is from 1998.
• Shambler's booth at QuakeExpo. This is rather new, but still worth a read in case any of you missed it.

All the urls has been added to the links page.

If any of you have any knowledge of old speedrunning articles/interviews/websites/etc, please email us with the information you may have, thanks.

The next installment in the ROTW series is a slick little fast paced map courtesy of Daniel Hansson. This map will most likely test your skills, AND your patience! If you think you hated Spawns and Grenade-jumps off of barrels prior to this contest, then you're in for a real treat :) This map will make you bitch and cuss, and will most likely make you bash your monitor in pure rage! At least I feel this way when I constantly drop into the lava.... But, who said speedrunning had to be easy, I didn't! You could, of course just pick the easy route and bunny all the way through the map, but there's not much challenge in that! So, go give this map a damn good trashing yourself instead of being a choirfella like me :)

I promise that the pictures from my trip to Norway will be posted soon, I just need to bitchslap my brother a bit! He's the one with the scanner...

... by his arch rival Carl Tholin. Yes, the war of the Udders continues with Carl taking both of Jonny's eyesock runs with two fine displays of boosting and dodging.

• First the Easy Run one second quicker for 0:45. His .txt is worth a read as it appears that Carl is capable of rational thought. You will have to forgive him for getting the name of "Murphy's Law" slightly wrong. ;-)
• The Nightmare Run he improved by a big three seconds to 0:46. This is one second slower than the Easy Run because he doesn't have enough health to do the GJ off the ogre to the gold key which saves about two seconds. Two second slower route, one second slower demo. Hmmmm.

Öh man, Jonny. Are you gonna stand for this?

Carl's other arch rival, for the Easy 100% of elektra at least, Ilkka Kurkela has taken the record from Carl for the third time with this one second improvement. The cool thing is that the route on this 0:53 is completely different to Carl's 0:54. Which route will ultimately prove to be the fastest?

Carl has also done a quick improvement to the Nightmare 100% of the same map. He beat Curre's time by fourteen seconds to get 1:42.

My statement a week ago that "Due to the huge number of monsters and incidental damage the double gren jump is not really an option" for the scream Nightmare Run has provoked several runners to prove that I don't have a clue what I am talking about. The second demo to arrive was from Arturo Garcia Laska who improved Weixing's route by five seconds to 0:40; thirdly, Fern did the double gren jump to get 0:28; fourthly, Thomas Bergendorff did the double grenner to get 0:23; but first to send a demo and the fastest of the lot was Basil de Vries who achieved 0:21. This is also a new record low for Basil as he has managed to get the date, the map name, the skill, the kills, the time and the comments wrong in his .txt. The only thing that was correct was his name.

Oh yeah, he got the name of the demo wrong as well.

Jozsef Szalontai has produced two demos that are... well, they're Joszef demos. You can guess what they're like.

• First, he has proved that the Runs on critters can be done even faster than before by doing this Nightmare 0:15, one second faster than Simon.
• The he did a demo that's about as MUST DOWNLOAD as anything we've had here recently. Remeber Peter's old Easy Run of hip2m1 from SdSlite? It looked pretty unbeatable but that's not the kind of thing to discourage Joe. Watch the four egg demos first and then watch this 0:18.

Weixing Ye, who is not EVER known as Scut, but is in fact known as OpenGL, who happens to be a member of clan SCUT, (sorry for the confusion :-)) has done a much better Nightmare 100% of scream in 1:23, an eight second improvement.

He then went on to attack the runs on dilcoa.

• First he came up with a cool new route to the top level to destroy Carl's old time for the Easy Run by nine seconds to get 0:29. He was a little worried that Carl might take offense at being made to look so stupid, and so I would like to offer him this small piece of reassurance. Fuck Carl. Fuck him and fuck the horse he rode in on. Go beat some more Tholin records. :-)
• He used the same route to do the Nightmare Run in the same time. 0:29.
• And then he managed to take one more second off of his Easy Run to bring it down to 0:28.

Getting back to Basil, the world's most bizarrely incomprehensible Dutchman, we find that he's done 4 nice demos with .txt files that are almost coherent!

• The runs on dwell were the first to go due to some fierce OG jumping.
  • First the Easy Run in 0:35, three seconds faster than Juozas.
  • Then the Nightmare Run also in 0:35, four seconds faster than the same fella.
• He has also been playing "Dodge the Snake" on alk07.
  • He got the Easy Run down to under a minute with this two second improvement to his previous run. 0:59.
  • And then the very difficult Nightmare Run in 1:15, twenty one seconds faster than Nolan.

And finally a big thanks to Tim and Carl-Johan for helping me out with the tricky, foreign letters with stupid dots above them. :-)

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

This is a trick question: Guess how many errors Ilkka did in his update! :-)

On another note: Ingmar has conducted a funny little interview with the man we all love and admire for his loony speedrunning skillz ...and of course his good looks :) Check Illmind Moves for the full Monty! (to Jozsef: Kimi fucking ownz!)

Tomorrow (hopefully), I'll have a few pictures to post from my recent trip to Norway. We drove through Sweden in order to reach our destination, and we made a pitstop in Uddevalla. I met 5 of the guys from the Udders and we had a fun, but also meaningless little chat for 20 minutes or so. The pictures we took actually turned out to be quite nice, but you can easily see who the old guy is (read: me)

I also want to give a huge thank to everyone who turned up and supported the The Nolans. It was really cool, and a huge success. Congratulations to all the winners (I was nominated in 3 categories but didn't win shit!, heheh). Let's hope the Nolans 2002 will be as much fun. Personally, I know that I will do my best to get 3 demos into the id NH category :-)

Hi... How many lavaballz does the CHTHON shoot in the first person view in SBBLITE2? drunk

I was talking to Timo on IRC the other night (guess where?) and he asked whether when he did a 1:05 Easy 100% of The Tower of Despair he would get a MUST DOWNLOAD. I replied that what he would in fact get is a TOO LATE, because Martin Selinus has responded to the challenge and reclaimed his record by one second to get the 1:05. Unfortunately, Martin also said that he is going to have to take a break for a while because his hands are, not to put too fine a point on it, fucked. But he has left us with this reminder of why we all call him Silky Smooth Selinus, the Speedy Swedish Sex Siren. He improved Markus's Nightmare Run of the same map by one second to get this incredible 0:30. WATCH THIS NOW!.

If there's some optimising that needs doing, where do you look? Straight at Valeriy Burmistrov, that's where.

• He has finished the job on close with this optimum 0:04 Easy Run. Since the grunt's have a tendency to dance around for five or six seconds before shooting you on Easy skill getting a grunt boost half way through a four second demo is not a trivial matter. But as the cool egg demo with this shows, that doesn't have to stop you...
• He also took one second off of Fabian's Easy 100% of doom2_01 to get 0:25. If he knew that Fab was Flurricane maybe he would have beaten it by more. :-)

The next three runs are by Jozsef Szalontai and all part of Speed Beyond Belief lite II, but they are all also new SDA records. If you haven't seen this yet then go and watch it NOW! Several times. And then watch this bbelief1 in 0:14, and this bbelief2 in 0:15, and this bbelief3 in 0:46. Then go back and watch SBBlite2 again.

Since we're on the subject, check out the QdQ Improvements Page to see what else the proflific Joe has been up to. And just as a point of note, it seems that the mighty PlanetQuake have made QdQ their Site of the Day! :-)

Speaking of PQ, I have to once again give a nod and a wink to Jube who keeps on writing such nice things about us. Good on you, girl! ;-)

Back to the regular demos now, we have finally received the first ever demos from Weixing Ye (better known on the message board as Scut). He has filled all the gaps on the tricky scream Coagula stylee map. Damn impressive for a rookie. :-)

• First, the Nightmare Run. Due to the huge number of monsters and incidental damage the double gren jump is not really an option, so he ran all the way to the end where he teamed up with a whole bunch of scrags to give the shambler a damn good thrashing. 0:45.
• Then he did the Easy 100% in 1:11.
• And finally he did the murderously difficult Nightmare 100%. This 1:31 features some nice monster dodging and a very tense final battle; check his health. :-)

In case you're wondering what happened to David Hocking, it seems that he's been spending his Quake time trying to improve Optic's Nightmare Run of ih1m2. And it would appear that he's had some success because this 0:38 is sixty seven seconds faster! The bit where he's dancing in and out of the deathknight fire with three health is just sooooo much fun. Every time I watch it I think he's going to die. :-)

Amrik Kochhar has done probably the most delicate, balletic quad rocket jump ever seen to beat Jozsef's Easy Run of critters by one second to get 0:16.

For our last demo we have the mighty Carl Tholin who has shown some fine class with this Easy 100% of elektra, reclaiming the record from Ilkka with this 0:54. Carl, please note. This is an Ilkka record. That wasn't the deal!

That's all for today. Once you've finished watching these mind-meltingly fine demos head on over to the site you voted "Site of the Year", Illmind Moves, and check out all the lovely things Ingmar had to say... :-)

Goodnight, my sweets.

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

Hey there d00dz and d00d3773z, as you are probably aware The Nolans 2001 reached it's conclusion yesterday with a fun IRC presentation ceremony.

Thank you to everyone that made this event such a success, I can't believe just how much hard work it's been. The winners are all listed on the main page and the IRC logs of the party can be seen here.

In other, totally unrelated, news I see that Big AdamH has done another mammoth update on compet-n so head on over for the latest Doomy treats. While I was there I happenned across this, which for some reason I couldn't help but think looks somewhat.... hmmmmm... familiar? ;-D

That's it for today, I'm totally knackered. All the rest of the news, gossip and some incredible demos (Martin and Valeriy have been showing off again) coming very, very soon...

Yo! Yet another edition of Run of the Whenever has ended, and this time with Jozsef as the clear overall winner and the main favorite to take the championship title. The devil himself (read: Peter Horvath) also took part, but he 'forgot' to record the 100%, so he didn't do as good as expected :) Maybe he has something up his sleeve for the next ROTW which I will announce soon(ish). Go check out all the demos, they are definitely worth a look, and also check out who advanced in the Championship Ladder.

The first Formula 1 race of the season starts in less than an hour, so I'm off now to prepare the popcorn and soda!! Kimi Räikkönen ownz!

Adios....

A big thanks to Amrik and Alex and Marvin and all the rest of you who set up the two new channels for Sunday's Nolans 2001 ceremony.

Getting in is a piece of cake. Before 19:30 (that's 7:30 PM) GMT (20:30 Denmark, Germany, Sweden, Hungary, Holland; 21:30 Finland; 22:30 Moscow; 15:30 Trinidad; 14:30 EST; 08:30 NZ; etc) simply log on to a ETG server...

irc.enterthegame.com

...and join #nolans and #nolans-speech. The #nolans-speech channel is where the presentations and gushing acceptance speeches will take place and #nolans will be for general chatter about who REALLY deserved to win. :-)

So come along and join the fun!! And in case you're bored, there may well be some of us lurking in the channels between now and Sunday...

The voting is finally over for the The Nolans 2001 and I should have the results counted up by tomorrow. Which means you should all haul your arses over to #planetquake on irc.enterthegame.com at 19:30 GMT (local times for most speedrunning countries will be published on The Nolans page as soon as I can work them out. :-) Earn youself valuable Morfy Points by telling me what 19:30 GMT is in your home town!!) to find out who's won!

Timo Nieminen has wasted no time further improving his Easy 100% of The Tower of Despair. Scared that Martin would get there first he has done this 1:06. Since I gave his last one a MUST DOWNLOAD and this is two seconds faster then I guess this one is too. :-)

The next demo is slightly strange. Thomas Bergendorf has improved DanielL's Easy Run of carnage by 12 seconds to 0:46. Why is it strange? Well, everyone knows that you can't do an OGJ to the gold key, but Thomas has found a way of doing a double OGJ which saves masses of time. But in this demo the ogre throws the second gren too soon so it looks like he only gets one OG worth of boost. But he still makes it! WITCHCRAFT!! BURN HIM!!

The man that put the Deval in Uddevalla, Carl Tholin, has been giving it large again.

• First he decided to slap Jonny back into place as he thought he'd been getting too uppity lately. So he beat his Easy 100% of rd1m2 by two seconds to get 1:18.
• He also did some very slick slope to slope jumping on elektra to take a second off of Ilkka's old Easy Run to 0:13. He thinks 0:12 should be possible but doesn't want us to mention it in the update. So I won't. :-)

The long, dark nights over in Finland have left Aleksander Osipov and Ilkka Kurkela with some spare time. So once they'd got home from a hard evening's burning down churches and slaughtering small, furry animals they found time to do three coops demos.

• First they took the Easy 100% of The Slipgate Complex off of DanielH and Jonny in a run that I really think must be optimum. 0:30
• Next they performed a speedrunning lesson everyone should watch. They completed the Easy 100% of the whole of The Dimension of the Doomed in 4:56, 48 seconds faster than Nolan and Justin. Loony skillz and mad tricks all the way through from both players, except for the shocking display by Alex trying to open the exit to the secret level. :-)
• And then because they thought Pretty Balls and Hanson were a couple of dumb Swedes that couldn't even find their own (or each others) arses with both hands and a map (Alex's words, not mine)[1] they beat their Easy 100% of The Necropolis by five seconds to get 0:45.

And just to lower the overall quality of this updates demos I have "improved" my fc_coag Nightmare 100% by five seconds to 1:40.

You think that's the end? Think again! Over on the QdQ Improvements page, Jozsef Szalontai has made TWO improvements to QdQwav runs! The first one is an awesome Chthon barbeque in 0:19 (which has been there a week but I forgot to mention it last time) and the second one is a, well, lucky 0:19 gib jump (which probably isn't posted yet so I've included it in the big.dz).

All demos download is available here (UK). No Danish mirror will be available until Stubby gets home from Norway.

[1] Note: This is a lie. What Alex actually said was "Jeez, I love those guys."

Well, I've been away working for a few days now but I've found the occasional five minutes here and there to write this update. So if it seems a bit disjointed it's because it's been mostly written on a laptop in the bar over several days. :-)

We'll start with a great Id improvement from Timo Nieminen. He has turned his attention to The Tower of Despair and beaten Martin's Easy 100% by one second to get 1:08. In his own words, "This was easy."!!! Don't believe him. This is a fine demo. MUST DOWNLOAD

Now for the rest of the LAN demos that I forgot last update. Jonny Andersson and Fredrik Eckers have improved the Easy Run of foon to 0:27, one second faster than Josh and Warren.

Jonny and The Bad Boy also found time to return to polygon2 and complete the Nightmare Run in 0:18, new to the tables. Fredrik's demo is quite simply amazing.

Pretty Balls and young Daniel Hanson have done a good, but very funny Easy 100% on rd1m3. They beat Jakob and Dan by nine seconds to get 1:11. Why is it funny? After all this time they can't help but try to bunny around the place, even though this is a Runner's Delight map. :-)

To finish, we have Me killing like the God of Death on fc_coag. Lots of lightning and curly jumps allowed me to do the Nightmare 100% in the reasonable time of 1:45.

And that's all the demos for this update. It's been a quiet couple of weeks, demowise, so to fill in the space I think I'll tell you the joke I heard last night. Who shall I pick on this time? The Uddevalla Massive are always an easy target, but this time I think it's the the turn of some of the German runners.

Marlo, Ingmar and Stefan were driving along the autobahn when they were involved in a bizarre lederhosen/sauerkraut related accident and all killed. When they arrived at the pearly gates they were met by St Peter who invited them all in. The first thing they noticed when they got into heaven was that there were ducks everywhere.
"We only have one rule here," said St Peter, "don't tread on the ducks." And then he vanished in puff of smoke.
They had only been there five minutes when *QUACK* Marlo treads on a duck. St Peter appears with a pair of handcuffs and the ugliest, most disgusting, foul smelling woman you could possibly imagine and walks up to Marlo. He cuffs them together and says "The two of you will now be chained together for all eternity."
"What? Just because I trod on a duck?" Says Marlo, but St Peter had gone.
A week later *QUACK* Stefan accidently treads on a duck. Once again St Peter appears with an even more hideous, loathesome old hag.
"The two of you will now be chained together for all eternity." He says.
"What? Just because I trod on a duck?" Says Stefan, but St Peter had gone.
Ingmar, not suprisingly, decides to be very careful. And he manages to go for a whole year and he still hasn't trod on a duck. St Peter appears with the most gorgeous, sexy, fragrant, alluring woman you can possibly imagine and walks up to Ingmar. "The two of you will now be chained together for all eternity." He says.

*Drumroll*

"What? Just because I trod on a duck?" Says the woman.

HA HA HA HA HA Sorry Ingmar. No offence meant. It'll be the Finn's turn next time, I think. :-)

Only three more days to get your vote in for The Nolans. Some of the categories already have a clear winner but some are still neck and neck. So if you haven't already done so, go and vote!

Right. I'm off to spend an evening with three of the most boring people in the history of the world. And people wonder why I drink so much! :-)

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

Our first demo today is from our man in Sosnovy Bor, Dan Stukanev. He has improved a run we all know and love, the Nightmare Run of hip2m1. Everybody knows that the quickest way up to the balcony is the grenade jump off of the falling ogre, don't they? Well oh no it fucking isn't! This 0:30 Must Download is one second faster than Amrik. Dan has also finally submitted a profile. Check it out.

Arturo Garcia Lasca has gone absolutely crazy on flo, improving all four records, most of them more than once, to take total ownage of the level.

• First off he improved Optic's Nightmare Run by five seconds using the good ol' bar hopping trick. 0:48.
• Having done that he tried his hand at the Easy Run and managed a 0:47, one second faster than Ilkka.
• And it was just a matter of time before he also improved the Nightmare Run to 0:47 as well.
• He then moved on to the 100% records, destroying Mads-Peter's Nightmare 100% record from last week by 21 seconds to get 1:03.
• The Easy 100% toppled soon after. 1:02, twenty five(!) seconds faster than Marlo.
• A little more route tweaking enabled him to take another two seconds off of the Nightmare 100%. 1:01
• Which meant that the Easy 100% was slower than the Nightmare 100%, which of course would not do so he improved that also by another two seconds to 1:00.

Jonny Andersson and some of The Udders[1] have been LANing it up and have produced some cool demos. Unfortunately, I've only mailed two of them to myself at work (where I'm writing this) so the others will have to wait until next time. But we can start with Jonny doing the Easy Run of foon one second faster than his previous record. 0:37.

Pretty Balls also teamed up with Fredrik Eckers to do a massive slopey lightning boost on polygon2 to complete the Easy Run in 0:20.

Getting back to Ken, he has also done a rather nice improvement to his Nightmare 100% of hellctle. Some smooth running and a different tactic at the first shambler enabled him to keep quadded up all the way through the last shambler to get this fourteen second improvement to 1:48.

And for this update's last demo, I have improved my Easy 100% of terror by thirteen seconds to 1:55.

There has been a slight complication with The Nolans presentation as Stubby is in Norway and I'm going to be working away from home that weekend until the Monday or maybe even Tuesday. Therefore the date will now DEFINITELY be Sunday 3rd March 2002 (I'll update The Nolans page to reflect this later today), early evening GMT, time and channel to be confirmed when I find a channel to use. :-) If anybody can help out in this respect...

Finally, I'd like to say get well soon, bud, to Stubby who has been a little sickly this week, the poor wee lamb.

All demos download is available here (UK) and here (Denmark).

[1] LOL. I crack me up sometimes. Uddevalla - The Udders. ROFL.

Due to the fact that I'll be away from Friday 22nd to Saturday 2nd (I'll be visiting my dad in Norway), I thought this would be the best time to post the new ROTW. This map is courtesy of Robert Axelsson. Go check out what it's all about here.

Oh yeah, I guess you guys want an explanation for what that cheesy headline is all about!! :)
Well, here goes...What does the name Elin have to do with such a vulgar thing as the male re-productive organ?? Just a few minutes after I posted this ROTW contest, Timo informed me that Elin means dick in Finnish!!! The question that remains is: Will Robert be flamed by Elin for this little screwup, or will he try everything in his power to keep it a secret from her? We'll keep you updated if any groundbreaking news turns up...

Now, go play the female dick map everyone....